What if the Christmas Story Happened Today?

Thought a Christmas themed post might be appropriate this time of year.  Many people, it seems, wonder how the story of Christ’s birth would be different if it happened today.  Some write their thoughts.  I’ve heard a few different versions of how things might go, posted below is one person’s take.  (I didn’t write this, merely reprinting it)

INFANT DISCOVERED IN BARN, CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES LAUNCH PROBE
Nazareth Carpenter Being Held On Charges Involving Underage Mother

Bethlehem, Judea – Authorities were today alerted by a concerned citizen who noticed a family living in a barn. Upon arrival, Family Protective Service personnel, accompanied by police, took into protective care an infant child named Jesus, who had been wrapped in strips of cloth and placed in a feeding trough by his 14-year old mother, Mary of Nazareth.

During the confrontation, a man identified as Joseph, also of Nazareth, attempted to stop the social workers. Joseph, aided by several local shepherds and some unidentified foreigners, tried to forestall efforts to take the child, but were restrained by the police.

Also being held for questioning are three foreigners who allege to be wise men from an eastern country. The INS and Homeland Security officials are seeking information about these who may be in the country illegally. A source with the INS states that they had no passports, but were in possession of gold and other possibly illegal substances. They resisted arrest saying that they had been warned by God to avoid officials in Jerusalem and to return quickly to their own country. The chemical substances in their possession will be tested.

The owner of the barn is also being held for questioning. The manager of Bethlehem Inn faces possible revocation of his license for violating health and safety regulations by allowing people to stay in the stable. Civil authorities are also investigating the zoning violations involved in maintaining livestock in a commercially-zoned district.

The location of the minor child will not be released, and the prospect for a quick resolution to this case is doubtful. Asked about when Jesus would be returned to his mother, a Child Protective Service spokesperson said, “The father is middle-aged and the mother definitely underage. We are checking with officials in Nazareth to determine what their legal relationship is.

Joseph has admitted taking Mary from her home in Nazareth because of a census requirement. However, because she was obviously pregnant when they left, investigators are looking into other reasons for their departure. Joseph is being held without bond on charges of molestation, kidnapping, child endangerment, and statutory rape.

Mary was taken to the Bethlehem General Hospital where she is being examined by doctors. Charges may also be filed against her for endangerment. She will also undergo psychiatric evaluation because of her claim that she is a virgin and that the child is from God.

The director of the psychiatric wing said, “I don’t profess to have the right to tell people what to believe, but when their beliefs adversely affect the safety and well-being of others – in this case her child – we must consider her a danger to others. The unidentified drugs at the scene didn’t help her case, but I’m confidant that with the proper therapy regiment we can get her back on her feet.”

A spokesperson for the governor’s office said, “Who knows what was going through their heads? But regardless, their treatment of the child was inexcusable, and the involvement of these others frightening. There is much we don’t know about this case, but for the sake of the child and the public, you can be assured that we will pursue this matter to the end.”

Some aspects of the above story you probably don’t agree with, whether historically or in the retelling, but regardless I thought it an entertaining read.  Enjoy this holiday season however you may be celebrating.

Merry Christmas!

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5 comments on “What if the Christmas Story Happened Today?

  1. I think that scenario is right on. Things have changed so much in my lifetime that things I took for granted as a young woman would not be permitted in today’s world.

  2. James E Elliott says:

    The Romans were smart people. Why would they order people to go to their ancestal home city to be taxed? How would a tax collector in Bethlehem know how much to tax a man from Galilee.

    They didn’t. It’s all a myth to support the idea that Joseph was descended fom David.

    The Christmas pagent in your church showed the star hovering over the stable. If the star was so good at navigating, why did the Magi have to detour via Jerusalem to find out where the King of the jews was to be born?

    All this mythology should be removed from our literature.

  3. Oh I agree with you, Jim, but it won’t happen. Too many people believe those myths.

  4. James E Elliott says:

    I am disappointed that my comment drew only one reply. Was my comment meaningless, or trivial or what?

  5. Perhaps a little of both ;)

    If you want a reply, perhaps you could ask a question. I just soaked in your wisdom and let it envelope me. If I’d known you wanted a reply, I could have come up with something.

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